Man of Means
by lielabell
Summary: In which James is in search of someone with relationship smarts, because it's kind of hard to figure out what to do when you've got a crush on your best friend.


James is pretty _and_ smart. Not book-smart like Logan or charming-smart like Kendall or funny-smart like Carlos and certainly not everything-smart like Katie. No, James is a different sort of smart altogether. A pretty sort of smart. And, personally, he thinks pretty-smart is best of all the smarts.

Because pretty-smart means that he always knows which hair cut will look best on him and what shirt will make his tan look tan-i-er and how tight is just-enough-tight and not trashy-tight, which is a _really_ hard thing for most people to get right.

And being pretty is super hard work, which anyone who is constantly pretty knows and everyone who isn't doesn't get at all. Which James doesn't understand because, seriously, if it was easy would stylists get paid as much as they do? NO.

So, yeah, James is pretty and pretty-smart and happy as he can be about it.

Except...

Well... Recently James has been wishing he was a different sort of smart. A good-at-relationships kind of smart. The sort of smart that no one he knows is. Not even Kendall, who bickers with his girlfriend nonstop. So, yeah. No one with _good_-at-relationships-smarts. Which really sucks because if someone he knew has relationship-smarts, then James wouldn't have to have them. He would just be all over the lucky person who did instead. That's the point of having awesome friends: you get to have their smarts as well as your own.

Not that his friends seem to think that, judging by the way they constantly reject his tips on how to pretty up their looks.

But whatever. Not what matters. What matters is James and this crush he has and the total lack of relationship-smarts in his life.

It all started three months ago.

It was a typical day: Kendall had a plan, Logan said something reasonable and boring, and Carlos pointed out a particularly pretty girl. And then another. And then another. And about the time he was pointing out his fifth girl, James realized he didn't care about any of those girls. And then he realized that maybe he didn't care about any of those girl because there was someone he did care about. A LOT. And ever since then he's been trying to find a way to A: stop caring and B: find out if that person cares about him without coming off as 1: creepy or 2: overly interested.

Which... Look, James is pretty-smart. And that's a tall, tall order for a pretty-smart boy. Now, if it involved ribbed verses classic tees and had something to do with the exact amount of hair gel needed to get that perfectly tousled look, James would be all over it. No problem. He's your man. Boy. Whatever.

But it doesn't and he isn't and life sort of totally sucks when you don't know how to fix things. Important things. Crushes-on-people-who-you-shouldn't-be-crushing-on things.

And three months? That's a epically long time to be living in what-the-heck-am-I-going-to-do land.

The worst part is that before this unfortunate crush and the whole not knowing what to do thing, James was pretty certain that he had relationship-smarts. In fact, he would have gone so far as to say that he was The Love Doctor. Because, um, he did say that. In a very confident sort of way. And tried to hook Logan up with Camille in an equally confident way. And, well, James isn't really exactly clear on what irony is, since Logan said it _isn't_ any of the things that happened in that Ironic song, but he's guessing that whatever it is, him trying to fix Logan up with someone other than himself totally counts.

Because. Yeah. Logan's kinda the person all this drama is about.

This isn't a gay-or-not-gay thing. James sorted that one out way back in eighth grade. He's bi. Because that's what you are when you like kissing boys and kissing girls and really like kissing both at the same time. Definitely not worried about that part of the situation.

And it's not a what-if-my-best-friend-hates-me-for-it thing either. Because dude. Been there, done that. Don't have the shirt because those shirts are tacky and James is never, ever tacky. Not even when the current trend is to be tacky. His pretty-smarts just won't let him.

He's pretty sure if Logan doesn't hate him for everything that went down with Camille then there is pretty much nothing he can do to mess their friendship up.

So things should all be in his favor.

It's just that... Logan. He's so _Logan_. With his improperly styled hair and vest habit. And those dimples. Really, dimples just aren't fair. Not when he's already got that sexy geeky-nerdy-brain thing going on and that cute smile and those really, really nice arms. Almost as nice as James' arms are. And James knows for a fact that Logan never works out. He's just buff like that naturally. So does he need to have the dimples too?

Every time James sees them he just wants to, well, kiss Logan and sigh dreamily and say something stupid like, "You're really hot." Which is not cool or smooth at all. And while not-smooth and not-cool have never mattered to him before, they totally do now.

Because Logan isn't some girl in a tiny skirt and high, high heels. Or some skater boy with baggy pants and a tight black undershirt. He's _Logan_.

And James is pretty sure that this crush-thing just might turn out to be a love-thing if given half a chance. Which would be totally awesome if Logan had his own love-thing going on as well. A love-thing for James, that is. A love-thing for anyone else would not be totally awesome at all.

Now what's really weird about all this is that James isn't the kind of guy who can keep a secret. Well, he can keep a secret, just not from his close friends or family or people who ask him direct questions about it or people who ask indirect questions about it or people in general. Which is why he's sort of surprised that no one has figured this out yet. Because it's been _three months_. And a typical secret's shelf life is about, oh, two hours.

It's not that he's expecting someone, anyone, to walk up to him and be all "Hi, you've in love with Logan," especially when it's just a crush-thing, not a love-thing, but he sort of thought that at least one of his friends, his fellow _dogs_, would have said something.

But they don't. Instead it's _Camille_. Which he never, ever expected at all. And who has even worse relationship-smarts than he does. Camille, who he kissed when he shouldn't have and who totally had a love-thing for Logan herself and so should be the last person on earth who he would want to confide in.

But... it's _Camille_. So when she gives him that look and then leans her head in close and sort of whispers, "I've been there, too," he just nods and sighs and says, "He's so hot," like he's pretty much been wanting to say all along.

She's patting his back and sympathizing and pretty much being perfect when Logan walks up and, man, that look in Logan's eyes. It stabs into James, hurting way more than the punch-that-wasn't ever did.

James darts after him without even stopping to think. In fact, his brain doesn't do much more than whimper until about five minutes later when he's standing way too close to Logan and his breath is coming in little hiccup-ie gasps and his lips are tingling like they've just touched a live wire. Which, basically, they have because Logan's mouth is _magic_. No wonder Camille kept on sneak-kissing him.

"Oh," Logan says, a bit breathlessly himself.

"Oh," Camille repeats, her eyes wide and her hands sort of flapping helplessly at her sides.

James smiles. Really, really wide. Because he's got pretty-smarts and he knows what breathless, wide-eyed wonder looks like. And both of them, they've got it bad. He tips his head forward so that his forehead is resting against Logan's. "You give me butterflies," he says before dropping a tender kiss on that live wire mouth.

Logan doesn't really say anything so much as moan and grip at James' hips and James thinks that all that fretting really was for nothing. Because, clearly, he's got all the relationship-smarts he needs.

It's awesome, being pretty _and_ smart.


End file.
